Everyone has a Heap. We cherish our beliefs, agendas, stories and creations. Our heap gets bigger each day with more choices and more history defend. Living feels complicated and often confusing, filled by pushing and pulling so many options. There seems to be constant pressure to accommodate more electronics, more travel, more experiences. What I need and what others want; it takes personal courage to be peaceful. I have spent my life trying to keep my heap simple, avoiding what is complicated or extra as often as possible. Lately age is helping me see new angles in my heap, the part which includes me and my identity verses God, THE identity. To be honest the “I” and the identity of God are more mixed up than ever, not an easy place to be but altogether interesting as I feel them collapsing.
It takes courage to trust in your own truth
There is a divine energy all around us called the pulse of life. To find your personal courage takes infinite patience, time and waiting. It helps to wait, and try to stay focused long enough to be lead. Herein lies part of the problem, wanting to “lead”. The other day I noticed something in my marriage so subtle I’ve missed it for 40 years. I think i am correct and my husband is wrong. The dynamic does not get intense very often however what i noticed is he thinks he is right but never adds the part that says, “you are wrong”. Now this does not sound like a great revelation at first but what i noticed was, I am right does not imply you are wrong, it just means you are right for you, and I am correct for me. The grave difference between us is, because he thinks or believes he is correct he cannot see there are other “correct thoughts”. Personal courage to be peaceful is found in giving up “I am correct”.
To be “un”attached to my own feelings and those of others I need to master no thought, no judgement and no future. Over thinking is the devils delight; it is mental masturbation at its very best. New minds recognize there is only flow and the practice of wanting nothing. Letting go is simple to understand but hard to do. It takes enough courage to wait for the unknown next minute in the next breath, why get bogged down in I was right! Who cares, you do that is the audience and the tremendous waste of energy.
The Pain of Failure
We are all abandoned, isolated and scared of being invisible and forgotten at some point. Especially with age and wisdom, they shock us, we realize our efforts to control or conquer have been useless.We wake up in the middle of the night without a clue who we are anymore. We tend to accept through a kind of resignation that we will naturally be abandoned, isolated and scared. We need personal courage to know what will we cling to?
Healthy depression and uselessness are wake up calls from the divine; they remind our ego and created self of our haughty arrogance thinking, the heap was mine!. The awareness forces us to view everything again from another angle. We sit neatly on our heap of illusions and unfulfilled expectations. Give up or give in, we are not alone, it is happening to everyone, so quietly we do not see it. Go up in an airplane or look at the starts and wonder about eternity, about meaning, about time and space.There is no real failure there. New perspectives are found in rest, meditation, breathing, stillness, walking and seeing: we come to realize it is all good.
Peter von Hahn says
Just got a thought: This year I spent 4 month in hospital & rehab. My hands & arms got all swollen from the diff, needles for blood samples etc
One day I got fed up and Intuitively told the next nurse to stop & say a little prayer together with me silently: GODS WILL IS DONE RIGHT NOW. From that day on only one nurse failed !! Now I try to resolve other remaining physical health aspects.You are right, it takes patience with oneself to concentrate.Saluting Christ in You. Hahn
yes i agree with all of what you say
Dina Logginos says
I have learned that I am here for God’s will. I am not here for my ego or anyone else’s ego, just God’s will. I am still responsible for the “action” in this life. The action to seek health, shelter, food and other needs to survive. I am responsible for my spiritual fitness. Knowing the difference between “needs” and “wants” is crucial to my spiritual health. Recognizing the size of a need is also important, for example…I need shelter, do I really need a penthouse suite? Of course not, just shelter from the elements. I am blessed with God living in me.
Patricia Ann Jessee says
Soft hug my friend. B R E A T H E is right. I often feel like the world and it’s myriads of particles are spinning as though they were all caught at the same time in a hurricanes outer spin and there is no way to reach the peace of the eye. Many of us are fortunate to see the piece of the eye but wjile we gaze upon it too much we loose a bit of ourself and then have to find it again to balance. I think we must just know that it is there to vivit and contemplate – but our work on earth in this form is to learn from all things brought to us- the joys and the pains and feel blessed to be intouch enough to recognize the wonder of it. We all are so overwhelemed with the beauty fo all images coming from space- but oddly enought know little about things from within our own bodies looking just like it…chaos is the sister to the void they are always there with no urging from us. You are so loved and continually inspire so many with your presence in the arts,,,and Valentine apply in slivers of silver armour in such elegance -a perfect pairing. And now you must spin and dance- making your own whirlwind to center your eye on God’s bit of wonder he made in your image-a mirroe of him looking in…
I am spinning with you- 65 on 9/13!!!